Friday, December 23, 2011

Happy Festivus!

I don't know how relevant Seinfeld still is, specially with Louie stealing his place as the token genius comedy show on TV. But a girl laughed at a "draping myself in velvet" joke. And that is a strong indication I should celebrate Festivus for another year. As if I needed another reason to celebrate Festivus when there's the Airing of Grievances. For those who don't know this sacred tradition, we should be lashing out on the world about how we have disappointed by it.

So here you go, 2011, a list of things that disappointed me this year:

NBA: I was already pissed off by not having games to watch and having to hear about how removing 1% out of 52% is lack of respect. But then you came and removed Chris Paul from the Lakers in a way that got Lamar Odom to the Mavs. Thanks to that, the Lakers Kobe-induced hibernation will come one year earlier than it should and I'll be having flashbacks of the mid-90s during this season. And the worse part is that I can't even hate on the Clippers because it's not their fault. The only silver lining is that I can root against the Heat.

Physics: So the LHC started operating routinely and nothing exciting came out from there. Yeah, for a while we were talking about superluminal neutrinos and I'm still not sure whether or not they exist or not. And then, there's the potential for the existence or not of the Higgs boson, the troll particle of the Standard Model. So there were some developments. But reading about this, as much as it tickles my geek bones, doesn't really excite me. It's too much talk about number of sigmas and too little about time traveling or exploding things. It was much more fun when we were talking about how the Higgs boson was traveling in time and destroying the experiments to detect it. I want those times back. Physics used to be like the crazy funny uncle that came and told crazy stories about his life. Now he got married and his wife is pregnant and living a life that makes sense. I miss the crazyness.

Fidel Castro's health: You know Fidel, this was supposed to be your year. With all the rumors in 2010, and with you resigning from being the dictator of Cuba Head of the Communist Party, we were sure that you'll be going to settle your afterlife issues with Che this year. But you failed. You allowed Kim Jong-Il to, once again one up you. He already beat you in the race for nuclear weapons and mind control of citizens. He has the best thematic tumblr in the universe. Now this. Boo, Fidel Castro, boo.

São Paulo Futebol Clube: Really? You managed to lose in every single respect to Corinthians this year. You screwed up on every category, including washed-up-player-hiring (Rivaldo x Adriano), stadium-that-will-host-the-world-cup. Pathetic.

Europe: Ah, the old continent. It used to be that whenever you guys disagreed on something, you just engaged in a ridiculous war that dragged all the other countries into conflict. But now you just hold mindless meetings that make as little sense and ruin your economies as much as the wars did. But, alas, lives are saved which is a good thing. The only thing I really miss are the epic names: 100 years war, 80 years war, world wars, war of the Roses. I propose a solution: start naming the meetings. I want to see the "pound-euro meeting" or the "100 hours meeting".

Now, for the Feats of Strength. Any takers?




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